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Your subconscious mind is programmed to control 95% of all your thoughts, emotions, and actions. This "autopilot" mode explains why you have a certain way you do things - the way you gesture with your hands, the way you laugh, chew your food, and the way you parent. While there's nothing inherently wrong with that, if you are not mindful of your patterns and how they affect your child's development, then you may be repeating some painful habits that are keeping both of you stuck in a seriously dysfunctional routine.
5 Signs you're a micromanager
Micromanagement is a habit rooted in fear, mistrust, and doomed to stunt your child's executive functioning. Here are five clear signs that you are a micromanager, and how to stop right now and for good!
1. You're a martyr: you complain of having to do everything yourself, but that also includes stuff your child can do for themselves. You never step back and give your child a chance to succeed (or fail) on their own.
Here are some excuses Martyr's use to stay stuck in their habits:
"It'll save me time if I do it myself."
"There's too much at stake to allow this to go wrong."
"When I'm not involved, they'll mess up."
"It's my job to make sure it goes right."
In the rare event that you do ask for something to be done, you plan on "fixing it" afterward, or "finishing it" so that it lives up to your standards. Either way, your child consistently feels like they've let you down.
The message you're sending them is: "I don't trust you."
2. You nag: your child is lazy and disrespectful, and you have to stay on top of them constantly just so they get stuff done.
You don't trust your child to do what they say they will because last time they said they would, they half-assed it or skipped it altogether. So this time, you're prepared. You check in every five minutes, you stand over them to give direction and feedback at every step.
The message you're sending them is: "You're not doing enough."
3. You lecture: you need to teach your child a lesson or they will never learn.
You're not a perfectionist. You just want to help your child do it the right way (aka the way you do it). So you offer lots of constructive criticism and lecture them about something that "should be easy" or they should "know how to do by now."
The message you're sending them is: "You're not good enough."
4. You use coercion: the art of persuasion through threat or force.
Instead of focusing on your child, you focus on the task that you need them to complete. Rather than inspiring them and building mutual trust, you threaten to take away their favorite things, or arbitrarily enforce consequences to get them to comply.
The message you're sending them is: "You can't trust me."
5. You can't let it go: you work hard to convince your child that your way is the right way.
You've been there, done that and y