7 Ways to Stay CALM in ANY Situation [VLOG]

October 28, 2018

 

You can't have an effective conversation with your child if you are unable to remain emotionally centered.  Modeling emotional self-regulation to your child is the most important non-verbal communication technique you can use to mold their behavior and help them to self-regulate. 

 

Video #3 of our Communication Guide teaches you seven (7) ways to keep your cool in any situation, so that you can avoid the power-struggles, arguing, whining and tears.

 

I've taken some notes for you below so you can review the concepts in this video at a glance:

 

VIDEO GUIDE: How to Stay CALM in ANY Situation (Parents)

 

#1 GET CURIOUS

 

Where in your body do you feel your emotion?

  • Is your jaw clenched?

  • Is your neck stiff?

  • Is your heart racing?

  • Are you sweaty?

  • Is your body tense?

  • Does your stomach hurt?

 

#2 USE SELF TALK

 

Choose one or two statements to repeat to yourself in a tense moment (or create your own):

  • What is she/he really telling me right now?

  • What feeling is behind this emotion?

  • I'm not a bad parent, I'm having normal feelings.

  • It's my job to stay calm and be the bigger person.

  • To her/him this is a big deal, it feels like the end of the world. 

 

#3 VISUALIZE FEELINGS AS WAVES

 

Close your eyes and visualize that your emotion is an ocean wave crashing over you.

 

  • Inhale deeply and hold your breath as it crashes and exhale.

  • Repeat this as your visualize the waves getting smaller and smaller.

  • You'll ride out the peak of your emotion and start to calm down.

  • Repeat for 90 Seconds to get through even the most stubborn emotion. 

 

#4  EXCUSE YOURSELF

 

If you just can't get a handle on your emotions, remove yourself by stating...

 

  • "I need to take space for a few seconds, I'll be right back. I need a calm-down moment."

  • Then take a moment to take a break and meet your needs.

  • There is no shame in feeling angry, frustrated, annoyed, or disappointed. These are normal feelings that come with parenting, and sometimes you just need a few minutes to collect yourself. 

  • Come back to the conversation as soon as you can if it still needs resolving.

  • This is a great skill to model to your child and they will eventually follow your lead if you practice this consistently. 

 

#5  TALK TO SOMEONE

 

Find someone who can help you emotionally regulate yourself. Whether it's your therapist, a good friend, a supportive family-member...etc. Having a reliable support network will help you to gain strength, clarity, and support when you're burned out or feeling like giving up.  

 

 

 

#6  TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN NEEDS

 

Find a few minutes every day to take care of your needs:

 

  • Sleep a few extra minutes a night

  • Make healthier food choices

  • Exercise 

  • Add some fun and joy into your routine

 

 

#7  PRACTICE MINDFULNESS

 

Be present with your kids. When you feel yourself wandering, simply bring your attention back to the present moment. 

  • Get down to their eye-level

  • Practice eye contact

  • Create a NO JUDGEMENT ZONE

  • Think through your actions

  • Act with intent (to solve the problem and help your child grow and co-regulate with you)

  • Do not act on hope & fear, act from understanding and love

 

Check out Video #1 of this guide here: What is the MIRRORING TECHNIQUE?

Check out Video #2 of this guide here: Responding vs Reacting to ADHD/ODD (4-Steps)

 

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Hi! I'm Yulia,

 

Executive Function Coach for individuals and families based in Los Angeles, CA. 

I am  a passionate advocate for misunderstood kids, because I was one too! 

 

Having grown up with undiagnosed ADHD & Anxiety, I can relate deeply to the children and families I serve. 

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